It'll always turn out alright darling.

I'm scared.

Scared that you'll move back into my life and then you'll be gone.

Scared that if I let myself feel again that it will hurt too much.

I'm nervous. 

Nervous that it may not work out.

Nervous that you'll stay here for today and then tomorrow will be back to how it was.

I'm terrified. Terrified that if I see you again. I'll want to be with you again.

That if I listen to you I may realize something I didn't know.

That if I let myself back in.. I'll be lost again.

I got myself out once. and surely, I can do it again.

But do I want to?

I'm at this point where I am done being scared. 

Whatever is going to happen will happen. 

I will get through anything that is thrown at me and maybe i'll look back and think...

oh man, I should of just stayed out. 

But heck, if I get back in. It's for a reason.

I'm done thinking. done worrying. 

My life will play out how it is supposed to.

I will go through things because I need to.

Life is full of joy.

Not worry.

So basically.. your done worrying.

-Madi...

Things Happen.

When I walk through the halls all I see is
 inspirational quotes talking about life.

When I listen to a song on the radio all I hear is
 lyrics about smiling and being positive.

When I see people in class all I see is
 people watching out and helping others.

When I see people struggling all I see is
family and friends there for support.

It's interesting that the day I sat and thought to myself..
Wow. Life is hard today. 

Was the day that we had a benefit for a
family member suffering from MS.

Watching him and how he could barely walk.

Watching him smile as his friends and family walked in to see him.

Watching him publicly thank his wife
and express his love to her with tears in his eyes. 

Brought tears to my own eyes.

I may not know him all that well. 

But he said something of huge significance to me.

He said, to everyone, this very sentence: 

"Life is Journey, and this is part of my journey."

He continued by simply saying..

"Thank you for being a part of it and for supporting me through this."

He may not know it. 

But he truly touched my life.

I look at him as a huge example.

He made me realize, yet again, how blessed I am.

He made me realize that everyone is a hero and can be an example.

How everyone has different trials.. for a reason.

How everyones lives aren't perfect.

Some may seem harder than others.

Some may seem easier than others.

But we all go through what we need to go through.

and it all hurts to us just the same.

Thank you for your example.

Thank you for your radiating smile and confidence that everything will be okay in your own life.

Thank you for reassuring me that things happen.

and that things happen for a reason.

I know there are people all over the world like this. 

Who go through something that isn't necessarily fair.

Divorce. Abuse. Rape. Death. Health Problems. Disorders.

the list could go on and on.

When you see these people..

Learn from them.

they are strong people.

We all have problems.

we are all strong people.

I believe that.

"I don't believe in luck.

I don't believe in coincidence.

I believe that everything happens for a reason.

I believe good things fall apart, 

so better things can fall together."

Christ as the Center of Life.

Christ.. Centering my life on Christ.

I know that Christ is the ultimate way to get back home.

I know that with Christ and through Christ we can do anything.

I know that life is scary and challenging and I know that Christ knows that.

He feels what we feel.

He has been through what we are going through.

And because of that, we can lean on him and borrow some of his strength. 

We can talk to him and be heard. 

Not only heard, but understood. 

We can rise up to the challenge and conquer intimidating things.

We can face our biggest fear. 

Heal our biggest heart ache. 

We can know, with out a doubt, that we are loved.

That he knows us.

We can know that we are blessed.

One of my best friends, Krista, showed me this quote last year.

I think of it always and how it applies to life daily.

"We know that Jesus experienced the totality of mortal existence in Gethsemane. It's our faith that he experienced everything-- absolutely everything. Sometimes we don't think through the implications of that belief. We talk in great generalities about the sins of all humankind, about the suffering of the entire human family. But we don't experience pain in generalities. We experience it individually. That means He knows what it felt like when your mother died of cancer--how it felt for your mother, how it still is for you. He knows what it felt like to lose the student body election. He knows that moment when the brakes locked and the car started to skid. He experienced the slave ship sailing from Ghana toward Virginia. He experienced the gas chambers at Dachau. He experienced napalm in Vietnam... He knows abut drug addictions and alcoholism...On a profound level, he understands about the hunger to hold your baby that sustains you through pregnancy. He understands both the physical pain of giving birth and the immense joy. He understands about rape and infertility and abortion...He understand your mother-pain when your five-year-old leaves for kindergarten, when a bully picks on your fifth-grader, when your daughter calls to say that the new baby has Down's syndrome. He know your mother rage...when someone gives your thirteen year old drugs, when someone seduces your seventeen year old. He know the pain you live with when you come home to a quiet apartment where the only children are visitors, when you hear that your former husband and his new wife were sealed in the temple last week, when your fiftieth wedding anniversary rolls around and your husband has been dead for two years. He knows all that. He's been there. He's been lower than all that. He's not waiting for us to be perfect. Perfect people don't need a Savior. He came to save his people in their imperfections. He is the Lord of the living, and the living make mistakes. He's not embarrassed by us, angry at us, or shocked. He wants us in our brokenness, in our unhappiness, in our guilt and grief."
 (Chieko Okazaki, "Lighten Up", 1993).

I know that Christ can heal, help and be our guide for he is our biggest example.

I know that if we make time for him and put him first, that anything is possible.

Especially with this coming school year..

If we always remember to read our scriptures, pray, visit the temple, and be of service..

Then I know he will help us when we need it.

I know he will lift us when we are down.

I know this, because I know he would anyways.

He would already be there for us. 

Right beside us, carrying us through the trail.

Carrying us through the day.

All in all.. I realized that through this next year, if I center myself on Christ, every thing will fall into place. 

I realized it's silly of me not to lean on him or to seek his guidance.

It would be like going to the wrong way, making a wrong turn, when the map shows exactly where to go and how to get to where you want to be.

It would be like not taking your  book to class when you know you have an open book test. 

It would be like not utilizing a valuable source or comforter.

It would be like telling him that all the work that he did for us..

That all he went through for us.. 

wasn't necessary.

But he has already done that for us.

He has already bled from every pore for us.

He has already suffered all things, good and bad, for us.

He has already paved the way and made it possible for our happiness.

So why wouldn't he want our happiness?

I know. I know. I know. that he does.

That is why he went through such things. He went through it all for us.

He did it, so one day, he can see us smile. Smile all the time.

So one day, he can see us happy. Happy all the time.

So one day, he can see us with tears of joy in our eyes.

and most of all..

So one day, he can see us back home with him and our Heavenly Father.

He is leading us to happiness.

So why not take his hand and follow him?

Why not trust in him?


Love, Madeliene..
-Happy Sunday :)

3 Nephi 9:14

Yea, verily I say unto you, 
if ye will come unto me ye shall have eternal life. 
Behold, mine arm of mercy is extended towards you,
 and whosoever will come, him will I receive; 
and blessed are those who come unto me.

Trials. Life. Purpose.

Lately I've been thinking a lot about life in general.
I've also been thinking about the meaning of the word purpose and what it means to have purpose.
And I've also been thinking about trials.
I have just been thinking..
Between traveling for hours and hours all around Europe.. and being in St. George..
I have had a lot of thinking time.

I realized how many things go on around us that we don't know about. that I don't know about.
I may not know that my best friend is suffering from family problems.
I may not know that my neighbors have trauma in their house.
I may not know that the boy at my school has a dad who has severe medical conditions.
I may not know that the girl I dance with hurts. Deeply hurts.
I may not know what that boy is thinking or going through.
I may not know that my sister cries herself to sleep.
I may not know that my grandpa has challenges.
I may not know that she has a eating disorder.

I may not know a lot of things. I only know what people tell me. We only know what people tell us.
and people don't usually share those kind of problems with everyone. So thats why no one really knows about them.

I guess what I am trying to get at is that.. life is hard. Life is challenging for everyone. Every single person on this earth has a trial. challenge. moment of weakness.
I don't know what they are going through or what they face on a daily basis. I don't know exactly how they feel. I don't know what hurts them. I don't know what brings them true happiness.
and I don't have any room to judge. or to think anything badly about them.

There are so many different kinds of people on this earth and its crazy to think that every single one is different and unique in their own way.


It amazes me that our Heavenly Father loves each and everyone one of us.
Everyday I am reminded of that.  
Everyday I am reminded to take life as it is. 
To enjoy it and cherish the time I have here.
To live up to my potential and to follow the examples that have been put in front of me.
Christ as the ultimate example.

I can't explain what I feel.
I don't know how to put my feelings into words.
I love this life.
I love this gospel. and I am just so happy to be in it.
So happy to have a purpose. To know that someone loves me. To know I always have someone to talk to. To know that I am being watched over. To know that when I'm happy, I'm not alone. To know that when I'm sad, I'm not alone. To know that life is going to be okay.

Life is full of hope.
Everything will turn out how its supposed to one day.
Life is good.
Life. is. Good.. :)

Love, Madi Louise :)

-in a complete loss for words. 

Gratitude.

- I am grateful for the world around us! Being here in Paris has really helped me see how beautiful this earth is and how much it has to offer us! It's absolutely breathtaking.

-I am grateful for my family. I surley miss them and so many things remind me of them!

- I am grateful for so to say... Opportunity. I love this word and the fact that we always have the opportunity to be better! To live, love, and grow as a person! It is just such a hopeful and peaceful thing!

- I am ever so grateful for the church. Everyday I love it more and more.

- I am grateful for smiles. The smallest things always seem to do so much!

- I am grateful for pictures and for writing. Both capture memories and let us relive them when we look back. And when we do, we'll remember them as if it was yesterday!

- I am grateful for artwork and for history!

- I am grateful for love. I love that we all have the ability to love and to be loved. Silly I know... But imagine if we didn't. This world would be a very different place.

- I am grateful for experiences.

Love, Madi Louise :)

Anything?

I honestly feel as if life is just slipping through my fingers.

That I am sitting here and it is going.

I'm gazing out the window as the cars rush by.

I feel the warm sun in my hair as I lay by the pool.

I see a totally different perspective from down here.

I see people working.

I see people striving to be better.

To do better.

I see people who give up, who don't try at all.

Where am I in the mix of these people?

Who do I want to be and where am I going?

Can I actually have the desire to want and work for something in my life?

Yes, yes. I could.

I could do whatever I wanted.

Anyone.... can do what ever they want in this life.

ANYTHING!!! yes. I can do hard things.

I can, and I will.

and you know what?

If I can at least try, I'm sure anyone can too. 

Love, Madeliene.

-not to sure where that came from.

Life is good.