Not quite sure.

 Today I seem to have this rather annoying debate going on inside my head.

About things that don't necessarily matter at this point.

and I'm probably making them a bigger deal that I should be.

 and I'm probably giving them to much attention.

What are these things?

hmmm... good question.

At first, I thought I wanted someone like you in my life.

At first I thought, oh my gosh I haven't had that in so long. That is definitely what I want.

But now. I feel like I don't need that.

Maybe, just maybe.. I don't need someone constantly in my life. 

right now.

Maybe I feel better when I can do my own thing.

When I don't have to worry about being with someone all the time.

When I can do what I want because I want to.

Maybe I liked you when I couldn't have you. But why?

I have never been like that before.

Maybe i'm to picky. Maybe I think to much.

Oh wait, I know I think to much.

Maybe just because I don't see myself with you for a long period of time, or the fact that I don't see myself with you in the future. 

Maybe thats why I can't even try and be anything more than friends with you.

I almost feel bad letting you think we are anything more. 

I almost feel like I'm lost.

But then again.. I kind of want to let something happen.

But i don't. Or do i?

I'm a combination of:

*             

*             

*             

*             

............................................................................

Yeah... thats what I thought. 

I just want to talk to who I want to talk to.

Hang out with anyone and everyone.

Go dancing and meet new people.

Travel in summer and find new friends.

and I don't want to be worried about anything.

Anyways, What am I supposed to do?

Nothing has even really happened right?

Right.

Love, Madi Louise.