Someone like you.

I have been holding back writing something for a while...

Why? I'm not sure.

I think I am scared. but I'm not sure exactly why.

I am at this point in my life where I am just here!

I am living my life. I have tons of plans.
 I have been there, done that. I am always going.

Maybe, I am just wanting to grow up to fast.
 Maybe, I want to get on with my life.

But I love being where I am! I love where I am at..

But the future just holds so much more! 

Everyday I get stronger, grow and learn, and hopefully become a better person.

Some days set me back.
But recently I have been just happy I guess.

I know I'm only 17. 

I know that I am just a young girl but really..

I am aloud to like someone.

Yes, yes I am.

and I think.. I like you.

I could see myself liking someone like you.

Being around someone like you constantly. 

Having that drive, that motivation to be better because of you.

Someday I will be with someone for forever.

Someday I will find that boy that will bring me complete happiness.

Someday I will find someone who completes me.

Who I cherish.

Someday I will look back and have no regrets.

Someday I will know what true love is.

and I will never let it go.

Never take it for granted.

I will prepare myself now to find the right guy.

So I can be the right girl for that guy.

I want to be that old couple walking side by side holding hands.

Sitting on the front porch swing, still laughing and talking about old times and the times to come.

About there memories.

About the good times and the hard times.

About there children and how they have grown.

About there unconditional love for each other.

For now, I have a lot to experience. A lot of more things to learn.

and I'm sure more guys to meet.

For now, I'll live my life.

Always hoping, striving, working for a better future 

and more memories to look back on.

For now, I'll be happy.

For now, I'll smile.

For now, I'm content.

Live. Laugh. Love.

Love, Madi Louise :)

Erased..

You have been somewhat, entirely erased from my past. In a sense that, I don't think about you anymore. Your name doesn't ring a bell. Things we used to do, don't remind me of you anymore.

But, I do remember you. I acknowledge that you were there and remember you to the extent that you were part of my life. That for that time being, you were needed. You served your purpose. You taught me well and I learned a lot about myself through my relationship and friendship with you.

Of course, I still remember you. So, maybe your not entirely erased, because you can't completely erase a moment in time. But you are erased in a way. A way I never ever would of thought was possible a year ago. 

I guess through it all, I realized today, that I have personally come so far. I realized who I am. I realized what I stand for and that I will never back down. I will never change who I am for someone else.

I will never lower my standards.

I will never lose myself.

I will never forget about what is really important.

What really matters. 

I have always known these things. But now, I KNOW. I know. I know. I know. and I will never forget.

Moments like these are such "ah-ha" moments because it is when life makes sense!

I would not of learned anything along these lines with out going through it myself.

And with that, I know I still have so much to learn. And I know, I will have the experiences I need that will teach me the things I need to know. And these experiences will keep coming in everything i do. We will all just keep learning and growing and everyday we'll get stronger, be wiser, and have more hope.

Life is hopeful. Life has a purpose. If there wasn't a purpose, why would we all be here?

I think, reflecting on that moment, for a little while, was good for me. It taught me something. Like everything in life eventually does.

Live. Laugh. Love.

for one day.... 

you'll make it.

Love, Madi Louise :)

.....yup, thats me. 

I love you. I love you not.

Its interesting that the one thing/phrase that you can never say to much of, but can never say enough of.

Is “I love you”.

The words I love you can mean so many different things. 

But then again it means one thing. 

I guess there are just different meanings to that one simple, pure, amazing phrase. 

Love... love is complex. Love is from the heart. 

It is genuine and sincere. It shows that you care. It shows that loving side of you. 

It can be easy and natural to say. Sometimes it just comes out. It feels so right.

But on the other hand. You can feel it, feel is so strongly and have the hardest time saying it. And showing how you really feel. 

It 's not because you don’t really feel that way.

I guess some people just have a harder time expressing themselves.

For fear of not being loved back.

Love. It has to be given and received. 

To be loved.. you must love.

love others, love yourself. 

You should never be afraid of loving. Never be afraid of being loved back. 

You’ll never know unless you try and sometimes trying is unnecessary. 

It just starts to happen, comes to be as you get to know someone. It’s not hard to love anyone.

Everyone has those special talents, abilities, qualities that you can’t help but love. 

There is always something to love in everybody. 

That's probably why it is important to look for the good in everyone. right?

Then you think.. trying to love someone when your afraid to love... is not easy. 

But why would you be afraid of such a great thing? Maybe because it can go wrong..

Because it is such a great and powerful thing, you really have to work at it and know the pain, the bad, a taste of what went wrong. 

To know how the right feels, the truth. The true feeling of so called love. 

You never want to go back to that feeling of being lost, of being heart broken, of loosing and hurting that person you had such deep feelings for. 

So why would you ever want to go back and try again? 

If you have that chance of going wrong, of messing up again. 

Of having those feelings rush back to you. 

Cause the next time it could hit harder and bring back the emotions of the past. 

But I guess we should always remember that you must move on and you must try again. 

Why? because if you didn't take that chance, that risk. You could miss out on the opportunity of being with the love of your life for forever. 

It is better to try, then to not try at all. It is better to try, then to miss out on that opportunity cause once you finally get it...

I promise you. It will take over all the bad experiences you have ever had. 

It will be like it never happened. 

It won’t hurt as bad cause you’ll have that one person that really loves you to wash away all the past. 

You’ll forget that you ever knew and saw the bad side of love. 

because the right side, will be better than you had ever imagined and the best thing is.. 

You’ll know when it feels so right, because of the past that you have had. 

and to feel that with the right person, I'm sure it feels like your whole world just came together, that all your prayers have been answered. 

All that you have been striving for, trying to overcome, has finally come. That ship has sailed.. finally. 

Love is desired over all things. Without love you are nothing, you have nothing. No one to fall back on, no one to talk to. Love connects with so many different things: compassion, kindness, caring, helping.. They all mesh together. Love is inside each and everyone of those words. Love is inside you, so why don't you let it out? Share it with the world. You never know who’s broken heart you will fix. Whose hearts you will touch. Whose lives you will influence. If you don't go out there and share those great feelings deep inside of you. You’ll never know what you’ll be missing.. who you could be caring for, giving kindness too. Who you could be helping and learning for yourself what compassion is. What love is... :) <3

Love, Madeliene. 

-I write this... claiming that I honestly no nothing about love. 
This is just what I hope love will one day be for me. 
We'll see.

Whoever you are...

Whoever gets you, will be one very lucky girl.
When the time is right of course.
Thanks for being my friend.
Don't ever stop being who you know your supposed to be.
You have come so far and will go even farther.
You have so much potential.
Thanks for talking to me.
I will always need a friend like you. :)
I don't know what else to say...
I love this song.
Goodbye.
Love,
.......................

Where were you?

Sometimes I suppose I feel like that one person or those people I wanted to talk to just seem to be gone. Right when I needed them.
I made a list in my head and then tried and no one helped.
No one was there.
Do you not understand?
Do you not realize?
I needed you. for one split second.
What do you do when the ones you turn to are gone?
You write.
You dance.
You think.
You consider.
You realize.
I am not alone.
I am never alone, nor will I ever be alone.
I know you will be there again.
Maybe I was inconsiderate.
Maybe I needed to help you.
Maybe I was the one you needed, and I failed.
What if everything I think, others think about me.
Positive. Negative.
Good. Bad.
Demeaning. Uplifting.
Whatever it is i'm sure it happens.
Next time, I'll be better for you.
I'll be more available for you.
I'll be nicer for you.
I will try to help you.
Thats what someone else would do for me.
I'll be that person, that people are for me.
I'll fail, I'll mess up.. But I will try.
No promises though.

Love, Madi Louise.

Not quite sure.

 Today I seem to have this rather annoying debate going on inside my head.

About things that don't necessarily matter at this point.

and I'm probably making them a bigger deal that I should be.

 and I'm probably giving them to much attention.

What are these things?

hmmm... good question.

At first, I thought I wanted someone like you in my life.

At first I thought, oh my gosh I haven't had that in so long. That is definitely what I want.

But now. I feel like I don't need that.

Maybe, just maybe.. I don't need someone constantly in my life. 

right now.

Maybe I feel better when I can do my own thing.

When I don't have to worry about being with someone all the time.

When I can do what I want because I want to.

Maybe I liked you when I couldn't have you. But why?

I have never been like that before.

Maybe i'm to picky. Maybe I think to much.

Oh wait, I know I think to much.

Maybe just because I don't see myself with you for a long period of time, or the fact that I don't see myself with you in the future. 

Maybe thats why I can't even try and be anything more than friends with you.

I almost feel bad letting you think we are anything more. 

I almost feel like I'm lost.

But then again.. I kind of want to let something happen.

But i don't. Or do i?

I'm a combination of:

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............................................................................

Yeah... thats what I thought. 

I just want to talk to who I want to talk to.

Hang out with anyone and everyone.

Go dancing and meet new people.

Travel in summer and find new friends.

and I don't want to be worried about anything.

Anyways, What am I supposed to do?

Nothing has even really happened right?

Right.

Love, Madi Louise.

And then there are relationships.

Relationships...
They are somewhat complicated.
They take time.
It's opening up and giving yourself and your whole heart to another person.
Letting someone else have that part of you, letting someone see all of you, and who you really are. Hoping that they don't hurt you.
Hoping they don't take you for granted and take advantage of what you gave them and let them have of you.
You should always care for a person/people.
True love is caring for someone more than yourself.
Putting them in front of you.
Just wanting there happiness and hoping yours comes along with theirs.
Hoping that if you want them to be happy, they do the same for you, so you both end up happy.
I guess that only works if both people in the relationship care enough for the other more than themselves. If not, you just have confusion and chaos.
Finding that happy medium between two friends, between friendships, and when finding love is hard.
Someone is always going to be hurt.
Someone will always feel as if they did wrong.
And who knows... Maybe both sides will feel heart broken and sadness.
Finding that one person to give all your love to and trying to make a shot at true happiness and love is unbelievably hard. So when do you know to try?
You don't.
You try and you fall.
You stumble and get back up.
Hoping that one of these times that one person comes around.
that one person that helps overcome all the heart ache and all the trials.
Hoping to care for him and him care for her.
Hoping to fall in love and live together forever.
Hoping to start a family and a life of their own.
We all try, we keep trying.
But in the mean time...
Always have enough courage to put yourself first again.
To find yourself and try again.
Hoping for better results next time.
Knowing you learned a little more.
You are a little more experienced, and can keep trying to be the best you can be for you.
and one day, for someone else as well.

Love,
Madi Louise.