Addicted.

Yes, I would say I am getting addicted to blogging.

I just have a lot to say.

and since I am taking this seriously now. I suppose it all comes out at once.

Anyways, I know I have posted a lot today but I feel as if I just need to get thoughts out of my head.

So here it goes..

Right now, I am not really sure what I am feeling.

I feel like I am fighting back tears. 

I feel like I am a happy giggly girl with my family.

I feel lost and confused.

But why?

I am not sure.. I don't know why I keep feeling like this lately.

I am not lost nor am I confused.

I think.. I just. Okay, I don't know.

Honestly, I don't. 

Why does this has to happen on such a good day?

Why does when everything is going right, something have to go wrong?

This happens and no one knows why.

I am not sure what to think but realization is key I suppose.

Realizing (for myself) that no, I am not perfect.

I am not always going to do something right or get everything done.

Things take time and time will have time..

Slowly everything will fall into place. and even out of place.

Things will fall as they may.

I will get hurt by people.

People will say things to me that aren't necessarily nice. 

But I can always choose how to take them.

I can either be hurt about it and hold a grudge or brush it off and look at it as a grain of salt.

I know that sounds silly. 

Trust me, I have heard it a thousand times and the fact that I just wrote that blows my mind.

But I think I realized that it is really true.

It doesn't matter what happens to you.

It doesn't matter what trials you go through, what people say, what people think, or how people act. 

All that matters is how you carry yourself.

 How you treat those people around you.

 How you react in a time of need.

 If your having a rough day, show it. scream. cry. get it out for a second. 

and then see that it is in the past and that everything is okay. 

That yes, I can be upset. I am aloud to be unhappy at one point or another. 

Putting on a brave face only goes so far for yourself and eventually people see right through that face.

Everyone hurts and has hard times. It is normal.

wait... what? It is normal?

Yes, normal.

Completely.

You have to feel upset to Be Happy.

to hurt to Be Healed..

to be lost to Realize.

to lose to Gain.

to fight to Win.

Only I can help myself be truly happy.

Only I can lift myself up when I am down.

and only I can be who I know I am and who I want to be. All the time. 

I am myself.

I am Madeliene Louise Knudsen.

daughter of Ruth and Charles Knudsen.

thats who I was born as, and thats who I will always be. 

Just me.

and I am happy being me.

-Madi. 

P.s. I feel better now.